he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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