from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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