Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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