i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
