Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
