So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
