Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
