I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
