Just fell off a train. Bad.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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