It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
