if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
