these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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