i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
