your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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