I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
