im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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