hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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