Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
