Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need to get me chipped asap
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
