Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
