so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
