the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dignity is for republicans.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
