she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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