i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
