She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
