After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I want is dick and wine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
