I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
