Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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