as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
