Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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