During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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