well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
