That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
