He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
