It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
