He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
