There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the barista slut.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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