the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
