The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
