"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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