If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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