i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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