we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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