You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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