Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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