Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
