This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
