You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
