Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
