There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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