Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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